Weekend Recipe: Football Week with Cleveland’s Iron Chef Pasta Mistakes (with a lobster and truffle spaghetti)

“The mistake by the lake.” A frequently used description of Cleveland’s old municipal stadium

Ingredients:
The shot
The swoon
The pass
The fumble
The drive
The decision…

Serves the greater Cleveland viewing area.

Doug Deiken: Well, Casey, it’s a cool day here at pasta stadium.

Casey Coleman: It sure is, Doug. But both teams are suited up and ready to rumble.

DD: And here comes the secret ingredient now…a major sports championship.

CC: Oh, my, that’s going to be a tough one for the Cleveland chefs.

DD: You bet it will. It’s not an ingredient usually used in traditional Cleveland cuisine.

CC: Certainly not. But there goes young Cleveland Iron chef LeBron James up to take the best picks he can find back into his half of the kitchen.

DD: And it seems he’s dividing up his helpers into 3 teams.

CC: Yes, and I think the 3rd squad seems to be preparing 3 separate pastas, so it looks like he’s going to go for 5 dishes in all.

DD: Just like the challengers.

CC: And what he’s doing now…

DD: Looks like he’s ordered his kitchen helpers Daugherty, Price and Nance to prepare a Rigatoni with meatball dish.

CC: Yes. Look how fast and perfectly Price is making the little balls…

DD: And tossing them to Daugherty while Nance peals the tomatoes.

CC: Mmm. It looks like it’s going to be a winner.

DD: Yes it does but, oh no, look…

CC: Yes, I see, challenger chef Jordan has broken free and…

DD: Oh, no! He’s fired a ball of salt into the sauce.

CC: Oh, dear…well, James still has 4 other teams working.

DD: He does. And sous-chef Hargrove looks like he has his squad cooking to perfection.

CC: Yes, a creative hollow tube of Pasta stuffed with, well, what is that…

DD: It looks like a seafood sauce.

CC: Yes, he has shrimp, mussels, tomatoes, basil, crabmeat and what is that…

DD: Looks like Marlin, I think.

CC: Yes, Marlin. How interesting. And helper Alomar is handing the tray over to helper Ramirez…

DD: As helper Nagy opens the oven door and,…uh-oh…

CC: Oh, dear. What a mess.

DD: Nagy must have slipped…

CC: Looked more like a swoon. Well, the floor in the kitchen can get a little slippery sometimes….

DD: It sure can. All that olive oil.

CC: How are the other 3 dishes doing?

DD: Well I just talked to LeBron and he said his 3rd team was having some trouble but now he’s confident that at least 3 dishes will come out just perfect.

CC: Let’s hope so. I’m getting hungry!

DD: Me, too! And here comes the first dish.

CC: Yes, seafood ravioli noodles stuffed with sea urchin, crabmeat, fresh parsley in a light scallop sauce.

DD: Yes and James explained to me the key to his ravioli is finishing it off at the last minute, otherwise the stuffing can get overcooked.

CC: But after the first 2 disasters I bet he’ll have a heart attack if this one doesn’t work out.

DD: He’s a little young for a cardiac arrest.

CC: A talented kid, though.

DD: So it’d be like a…cardiac kid, eh?

CC: Yeah. And here come the ravioli.

DD. Helper Sipe is throwing the little sacks into a bowl as helper Ozzie mixes them together…oh, my…

CC: Uh-ooh…

DD: Unbelievable. Well, I bet no one saw that coming.

CC: The ravioli being raided by the challengers…

DD: So that leaves only two other pastas.

CC: No, just one.

DD: One?

CC: Chef helper Byner just dropped the linguini with white truffles, shallots, cream and lobster all over the counter.

DD: …are we sure we want to see the rest of this?

CC: Well the last dish seems to be traditional, a little defensive but…

DD: …you know what they say. The best offense is a good defense.

CC: I thought it was the other way around.

DD: Anyway chef James calls this one ironically his ‘dawg-ragout’.

CC: It isn’t made with dog meat, is it?

DD: No - no. He says that is tastes so good that when people eat it, they start barking like a dog.

CC: Well then woof-woof! Let the dogs out!

DD: Helper Kosar already mixed in the cinnamon-spiced mixed meat ragout with the tagliolini.

CC. But who is that over there pushing and driving his dish to the table?

DD. Oh, no. Challenger chef Elway.

CC: Is he a friend of yours, Doug?

DD: I’m going home...

CC: Doug? Hey, Doug? Well, pasta fans, we’ll see if Iron Chef James has a trick up his sleeve that might save a win fer the home...wait a minute…

The recipe:  
Ingredients:  
The meat from 1 medium-sized lobster
200 grams of spaghetti
1 shallot
Extra-virgin olive oil
Butter
Cream
Salt 
White truffle (or black)
Serves 2.
Take up a hobby. Yoga, maybe. Or cooking. If that doesn’t work, move to Baltimore. Er, maybe not Baltimore. Miami. Well, maybe not Miami either. Try Boston, well, no not Boston. Or Chicago. Atlanta? Or get used to saying it again and again: “Just wait till next year,” “Just wait till next year,” “Just wait til…”

In the meantime cut the meat from a medium-sized lobster into bite-sized chunks (6 medium-to-large fresh scampi can be used instead.) Then put the spaghetti on to boil in abundant salted water. Thinly slice a shallot (or one small, sweet red onion) and sauté in extra-virgin olive oil and a pat of butter. When the pasta is 4 minutes from being cooked add the fish and toss, seasoning lightly to taste, then add some cream and mix. Finely slice some white truffle into the pan, then drain and add the pasta. Toss well and plate, adding a few more slices of the truffle. Accompany with a well-structured white wine. Then turn on the game. Cleveland will lose again, of course, but at least you’ll have a reaaaly great meal. *

* coming soon - Cleveland's rocking 52 year, 4-3 victory pasta supreme...