Stephen Hawking’s Radiated Carbonara. Weekend Food
“In effect, we have redefined the task of science to be the discovery of laws that will enable us to predict events up to the limits set by the uncertainty principle.” A Brief History of Time. Rest in peace…
Serves 4.
Contain an incredibly large, dense mass in your kitchen. Hide it behind a door that says ‘loo’ or ‘bathroom’. Invite a dumb undergrad over, (any faculty will do though economics would be preferable,) telling him or her you want them to take part in a revolutionary experiment. When he gets to your house, have him sit down and then slowly explain to him about black holes. (Don’t worry if you make a mistake or two. He’s dumb, so he’ll never know the difference.) Pour him plenty of beer as you do. When he asks to use the loo, show him to the door behind which you’ve hidden the black hole – but remember to give him the pasta dough before he steps inside. (Tell him it’s soap or something. As mentioned above, it won’t matter.) As soon as he enters the strong gravitational field, have some fun noting him becoming increasingly terrified, in slow motion, as he nears the event horizon. You wont hear any sounds as by the time he starts to scream the sound waves won’t be able to escape the black hole.
While the dough and undergraduate are being turned into spaghetti by the massive gravity field, put a pot of lightly salted water on to boil. After dicing the guanciale into gently render and fry in a large pan. Remove the pork cubes once they're crispy outside bbut tender to the bite. Pasteurize the egg yolks after whipping them a little by double boiling, stirring and working the yolk constantly so as not to have them turn sold, in and out of the water for about 5-6 minutes. Once the spaghetti and undergrad have been expelled from the black hole, separate them, and boil the spaghetti. Then first toss the spaghetti with the rendered pork fat and a little bit of the cooking water from the pasta, then mix the spaghetti with the raw egg yolks (removed from the heat, maybe re-place over the flame for a few seconds to get to the right texture: creamy, not watery.) Then add some grated cheese, the crispy bacon-pork bits then finally top with freshly ground black pepper. Take the spaghettied undergrad, instead, and slide him back into the black hole.
Miraculously he’ll come out again in reverse with another package of pasta in his hand. I’ll explain that some other time. Now it’s time to eat the Carbonara while still warm.
In a mixing bowl, whisk the fresh egg yolks (you can pasteurize them by working it fluid with a whisker at first, then a spatula or spoon, in a double boiler until they have the texture of a watery mayonnaise (until just before they just begin to solidify.)) Remove when ready and mix with the grated cheese or cheeses until you get a fragrant yellow paste. No cream,of any kind as it will alter the flavor. The creaminess will come from tossing the pasta in starch-filled cooking water then tossing in off-flame the added 'creamy' cheese and eggyolkpste. Mix a little egg white as well, if you like the added texture, separately. When the pasta is almost done, scoop some of its cooking water and mix with the rendered pig fat, in the latter’s pan. Drain the noodles partially and place them into the pan as well, saute over high heat, adding more cooking water if necessary. (It’s about here, a moment before putting in the noodles, you can add a bit of mentuccia, mint leaf, but only a little.)
Remove from heat, add first the egg white (one, if desired) and mix again over the heat a few seconds, remove again from heat and add the yolk paste, mix and toss a few more seconds over the heat if you must to thicken the condiment but remove before the thing turns into an omelette. Plating: for 'extra' deal: add one single egg-yolk into a spaghetti nest then generously sprinkle with some grated, decent pecorino romano or with a soft flavored, aged sheep cheese, some freshly grated black pepper and the crispy-soft pig cheek bits. (If not, make sure you've added all the yolks to the yolk-cheese paste.) Goes well with a structured white or table red.